Friday, April 17, 2020

April 17, 2020

So life, or a form of it, is continuing in spite of Covid.  Saskatchewan has had only one new case the last couple of days and many have recovered.  Moe is talking about slowly re-starting the economy - he’ll let us know the plan next week.  Meanwhile, Easter has come and gone-

and a former student of mine, Colby Cave, has died.  He was 25 and died of a cyst in his brain.  He played hockey with Boston and Edmonton and was just a wonderful young man - always so friendly. He died in Toronto so the day his family - Mom Jen, Dad Allan and sister Taylor came home, we parked along the highway to show our love.  There were reports of 15 km of vehicles along Highway 16.  Many people wore jerseys and had signs-

Including a fire truck that led the procession-

Meanwhile, I’ve been working at Sask Hospital and April 15th, not only did we continue to have our temperature taken but we had to start wearing a mask.  I felt like a handmaid in Margaret Atwood’s book.  It was smothering, itchy and hot.  I’m learning that I don’t handle change very well, which is quite interesting considering the style of travelling I do but once I had my mask on, I instantly hated it and told my boss that I didn’t want to work any more until all this bullshit was over.  He said he’d see what he could do and I think did nothing.  However, as the day disappeared, the mask didn’t seem so bad-

I spent today at Jane’s.  She is going crazy with not being able to even take the kids outside because it’s been so cold and windy and it doesn’t help that she hasn’t been feeling the best.  Today might have been her worst day - nausea and more cramps.  After the kids had a sleep, we went to the ranch and Doctor Nico “helped??” Mitch remove the stitching from a cow who prolapsed, that’s why he’s wearing gloves.  After, we went walking amongst the cows who still have to calve, then side by siding checking on the new calves-

The kids are so funny - each has a walking stick and they love being with their Dad!

So back to the idea of change.  This winter, I was really excited hopping on a bus and moving to a new location but I was often disappointed in my new place.  Once I’d been there a night, it was fine and would end up being perfect - as was the new town or city, but initially I didn’t like it much at all.  The same thing happened this week at work - the first day I walked in and had to fill out a form and have my temperature taken - I was pissed off.  Then again with the mask.  I have to learn to just hold on/hold back my dislike and after a few hours, react.  This seems to be a new reaction to change for me, a weird one actually and I’m wondering why it’s happening.  Is it because I’m getting older and am set in my ways?  Is it because I’m privileged and my life shouldn’t be disrupted?  I’ve always thought I go with the flow and know that I always suggest to others to just give something new some time but it seems that maybe I’m not following my own advice.  Maybe I’ve always been like this and have only become aware.  I’m not sure but I’m not liking my reactions very much.  I guess now that I’ve recognized my issue, I can adapt - at least I hope so!

Looking forward to getting back to some sort of what was.

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

How Much Longer? April 7, 2020

So I’ve been home three and a half weeks.  My self isolation is over, I’ve been out to spend a few nights at Jane’s and now I’m back at my place.  I’ve joined my gym online - Pipes, so am trying to work out at least four times a week.  I FaceTime a lot and iMessage too.  I play a lot of online Scrabble, read books, drink booze and smoke pot.  It’s legal now so I can actually write that.  I’ve even been back to work a couple of days.  Life is however, at a standstill and I still can’t wrap my head around what is going on.  The fear, the 24 hour news channels, the lack of commercialism - no stores, no salons, no gyms, no bars, no golf courses, no restaurants, no nothing, the self isolating, the six feet of separation....

And my feelings about it all?  Well, I really don’t understand it.  Justin Trudeau is staying in isolation.  What the fuck’s he afraid of?  “The people” are demanding to know how big this government thinks this will get - and they appear to not want to say so you know that means a whole bunch of people are probably going to die.  There was a mathematician on CTV the other night explaining a formula based on this and that saying that 33,000 people could die in Ontario alone.  Oh.  I did a bit of googling and found that in 2018, 88,000 Canadians died from cancer, 53,000 from heart disease, 13,300 from accidents and 8511 from flu and pneumonia.  That totals up to 154,811.  I realize Covid is a new and separate category but...

I also know another government concern is overloading the hospitals and ICU departments.  So far in Saskatchewan, there are 260 cases from 14,722 tests, with 3 deaths and 88 recoveries.  2 people are in ICU.  

I hear of people who are anxious, confused, stressed, afraid and unable to think straight.  Some people are unhealthy and think they are more susceptible to getting sick than others because of their health.  That is a true possibility and deserves extra care.  However, I think that for a lot of people it is the fear of losing control.  So many of us believe we are in ‘control’ of our lives and this is falsely maintained by structure, habit, employment, spending and the dream that I’m going to do ‘this’ ‘when’.  Most of that has come to a standstill and the world that we knew may never return and so for those who define themselves by what they do, where they go, who they see and what they buy, this must come as an identity shock.  Maybe it’s time for a self reset and a true inward look at who we really are and what is important.

And fear itself ... what is it anyway?  Feelings of fear are real - the heart might beat faster, we might break out in a sweat and adrenaline is pumping through our veins...but why?  Fear is based on something perceived, imaginary even and the more one watches tv, the more fearful they might get and when somebody is afraid, they become paranoid and anxious.  They can’t work, they can’t sleep....all because of an idea.

I don’t want to sound like Donald Trump - ignoring what’s happening.  And I am doing my part - rarely going out and when I do, keeping my 6 feet of separation but.....

I’m more worried about the consequences of what’s happening.  The markets have gone to shit, stores are closed so people are unemployed - they can’t pay their rent because they don’t get a salary.  True, the government is stepping up with a wage subsidy program and the CERB so people hopefully will have something left when this is all over but it will cost us dearly for many years to come.  We are spending billions in the first four months but what happens if we need the same support in months five to eight?  Can we truly afford more billions?  

And what’s up with Justin continuing to self isolate?

Good news is that Austria and Germany are relaxing, however slightly, their lockdown rules.  We can’t destroy the economy for Covid.  Don’t get me wrong - it’s real and dangerous for some however, I’m not so sure it’s as bad as it’s being made out to be and I believe that is because people don’t have control, it’s unknown and that’s scaring the hell out of them!

I’ve been reading a lot and watching videos that present different viewpoints from Canadian news and I’m not saying they are right - just something to wonder about:

Who knows for sure?  Just keep washing your hands and don’t get spit on!


I thought it was spring!  We were golfing April 10th last year!

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